Taglines for a better you

Tom Tytherleigh
5 January 2016

It’s January. That five is now a six. Christmas has been and gone, and with it the last vestiges of the lazy, unambitious, less gym-going you.

Or maybe not. If you’re still searching for a bold new resolution, why not look to a few corporate mottos for a bit of inspiration?

 

Obey your thirst – Sprite

One-part practical reminder, two-parts bodily surrender. Sprite’s motto is a cocktail of hedonistic suggestion distilled into a three-word assault on Dry January. Surrender to your urges, it says. Cede to your desires. Indulge in anything and everything. Just not moderation. Risky business.

Drinka Pinta Milka Day – British Milk Council

A directive for the brittle-boned and calcium shy. Science may have come a long way since the 50s, but the Milk Council’s sing-song suggestion still rings true. Glamorous it isn’t. Exciting neither. But it is good, solid counsel. And nutritionally more sound than the decade’s other consumptive headline: Go to work on an egg.

Put some play in your day – Mars

Remember when your career wasn’t everything? When you got home at a decent hour? When work-life balance meant more than endorsing your friends on LinkedIn? Let Mars refresh your memory. No one’s asking you to go off the rails. Just log off, shake a few cobwebs, get a bit of R & R, play a prank, make some mischief. Not too much, mind. Some.

Don’t be evil – Google

Big. Broad. Benevolent. Banal? Google’s old mission statement is almost too obvious to be worth saying. But its negative inflection  makes it pithy and memorable. Play nice? No. Don’t be evil. As a cover-all for what-not-to-do in 2016, you could do a lot worse.

Think different – Apple

We’d all like to be a bit more Apple. So take their lead and Think different. You can imagine saying it to yourself in the mirror. Sometimes you click your fingers for emphasis. The click turns into a point; you consider getting it as a tattoo. Soon, though, the routine wears thin. Think different? It’s too flimsy, too vague to weather the tougher parts of February. Next year, think again.

Zoom-zoom – Mazda

It’s 2003. Ant and Dec cut to an ad break. A never-ending road bisects a never-ending landscape. A car. A boy in a suit. Zoom-zoom, he whispers. At first you’re puzzled. But after thirty seconds of cheery repetition, you’re hooked. You feel as if you’ve been inducted into something new. Now, in the midst of your January torpor, it’s more pertinent than ever. Zoom-zoom: simple, effective, urgent. Carpe diem. Carpe zoom.

Just do it – Nike

If Nike were about friendly pep talks and gentle pieces of encouragement, they’d be jostling with Umbro and Diadora for shelf space in your local JD Sports. But they’re not. They’re Nike: they challenge you. They face up to you. They look you in the eye and wait to see who blinks first. Good attitude. That business you’re cooking up? That novel you’ve been banging on about? Enough talk. Just do it.

When there is no tomorrow – Fedex

Despite Storm Desmond, and a wave of plucky upstarts in the sector, Fedex are not predicting the apocalypse. They just like things to be on time. And who better to espouse a philosophy of urgency? So drink it in and get motoring. But remember you’re fragile, and handle with care.

Alternatively, you’re fine. You’re satisfied: happy with your weight, your friendships and your general demeanor. In which case, let Cooper Tires be your guide: Don’t give up a thing.

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