When 'I will' means 'I won't'

It's funny what you learn in this job. For example, I've been working with Mint, a design agency in Jordan, recently. Together, we named a new property development company in Dubai, which is creating some of the most exclusive and luxurious residences in the world. (And they really are: all hyperbole permitted on this one.)

With the name in place (it's still a secret), I started work on some marketing materials for the two islands they're developing. (See what I mean?)

I was describing a vision of what was to come, rather than an existing property, so I naturally slipped into the future tense: 'We will create the ultimate in luxury,' etc, etc.

This prompted a call from Tania at Mint, who explained that in her part of the world, if you say 'I will do something', everyone understands that to mean it'll never happen.

Of course, we have something like that over here - it's called builderspeak - but it seems to be the generally accepted meaning in the United Arab Emirates. Curious, eh?

What it meant was, I had to write about something in the future while avoiding the future tense. You try it sometime. It's not easy. (Thankfully, I seem to have pulled it off.)

A missed opportunity

I hate, hate, hate the FCUK brand. Really hate it. Horrible, oikish bull-headed non-idea that it is. But for heaven's sake, if you're going to do it, do it with some wit. I've just seen FCUK socks in a shop. Naturally I didn't buy them - I'll never buy French Connection again, even though I quite like some of their stuff (the stuff that doesn't shout profanities at me). But look:





























Nobody thought this schould be called SCOK? Come on. It would have been a little ray of charm in this otherwise bleak and cynical excuse for a brand.